“So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:6 ESV)
My Dear Eric,
Today makes 21 years — since we said those marriage vows to each other.
It seems so very long ago….
Do you remember the day we said them to each other?
I remember. It was after work on a Friday night. June 30th. 1995.
We stood in the county’s magistrate office. Waiting to say all those “I will’s” to each other. Not having even one clue… to what all those “I will’s” meant.
Do you remember… the domestic dispute we had to wait for, between that husband and wife?
I do. Very vividly…..
It was another failed illustration in this world of what marriage is supposed to represent…. Unity. Oneness. Grace. Mercy. And Unconditional Love. Instead, what we witnessed standing before us was a marriage, on that night, of two individuals at war with each other. And in God’s eyes — at war with themselves because God’s Word says, “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)
And all this happened to take place, the very moment before we were to make our sacred vows to each other.
Do you remember… I was nothing, but a baby. 18 years of age. You were 22.
Do you remember.… right before taking our vows, we looked towards each other with confused souls of what we had just witnessed, and said simultaneously to each other, “Is this a sign that we shouldn’t get married? Will this be us?”
But then we just laughed it off… and waited patiently for the magistrate to get done bringing about a little peace between the two of them.
And then, the two of us stepped up to that wooden desk… to say all those “I will’s” of stuff we didn’t even understand yet. But in the years to come, we would fully understand. In all the ups and downs of life and marriage. In all the brokenness and separation and mending of back together again. Years of God bringing two souls closer and closer together. Of two fleshes becoming one. To represent Christ and the Church.
But of course, we had no idea about all the sacredness and grace our marriage would birth into existence. Towards each other. And from God Himself.
Do you remember…. the way I laughed the whole time during the ceremony?
My mom had to tell me to stop laughing. Right in the middle of those sacred vows. 🙂
I couldn’t help it though. You didn’t say one single “I will” to me. They were all spoken to the magistrate. You wouldn’t even take one glance at me, until it was time to kiss me.
And so I just stood there, laughing out loud. During all the making of our union. Overly tickled because it felt like you were marrying the magistrate and not me.
Back then, I had a way of laughing incredibly hard at things like that…. Didn’t I? 🙂
Although, I did ask you afterwards, “Why didn’t you look at me when we were saying our vows?”
You just stared back at me with a confusion on your face of why I’d even ask you that, and said, “I’ve never gotten married before and I wanted to make sure I remembered what to say. And I wanted to say it right, too.”
So I laughed even harder. Your opposite way of life and thinking made me laugh so hard back then. And of course, this was before our opposite ways, ever had a chance of making me crazy mad, later on in life.
Glory to God… I’ve found a way of laughing again at our differences. Understanding that you’re made in the image of God, too.
And I give thanks to God, that I no longer want you to be more like me anymore. Nor, more like anyone else either. Instead, I want you to be Christ-like. And baby, you’re more Christ-like each day. And I praise God for this act of grace in your life. In my life. And I praise God for making me a little more Christ-like each day, too.
You know, the last 21 years have been nothing less than loads and loads of memories. Sweet and bitter ones. Good and bad.
Many may say, “Well look at where your marriage began. In a magistrate’s office, and not in a church. After a domestic dispute confrontation, and not after buckets of prayer.”
I say to those, “God knew what He was allowing that day. Because in my human nature, if it had been a perfect church wedding union, I would’ve been even more disappointed with all that was to come. In all those messes of ours. So I believe God started us off just right…. with all He knew we would go through before ever making Him the Lord He is to us today.”
So Eric, I must say to you now…. that I love you!! So deeply!
Those vows we made to each other all those years ago, was a covenant between me and you and God. A sacred and Holy covenant.
I didn’t know how sacred marriage was at that time. Not like I know now.
And oh my!! We were such opposites back then. Everyone thought we’d never make it. Never survive all the messiness our marriage had been through.
But everyone agrees wholeheartedly today, that it’s a miracle we’re still married. And I agree, too. A miracle from, and of, God alone.
Because when we didn’t hold up our parts in the marriage, He held them up for us. He held us together. He was the crazy glue that wouldn’t let us separate this union of marriage. No matter how hard we tried to distance ourselves from each other. He kept our union… together.
God has covered, the both of us and our marriage, in so much grace, mercy, and love. So much so, if it wasn’t God Himself, I’d wonder if He had any left over, for anyone else. Because we sure have used a lot of it up…..
But that’s the great thing about God. He’s so full of grace, mercy, and love, He will never run out. As a matter of fact, God is the source of it all.
And He waited so patiently for us to see Him in the midst of this marriage.
So today, I want to say, this marriage has done its purpose in my life. It has grown me closer to God.
Isn’t this the purpose of marriage? A symbolism of Christ and the Church.
And yes, I’m not ignorant of all the messes and all the unChrist-like behaviors in our marriage. But we didn’t know. We were both ignorant to all that marriage represented. We lacked discipleship. We lacked those Godly influences to show us His Truth.
But in God’s goodness, He didn’t forsake us. He just had a different time-frame than what I might had hoped for, earlier on in our marriage.
And before I end this note to you…. do you remember the vows we made? What we said?
I remember. And for years, I thought the two of us had to get every part of those vows right, in order to still be married to each other, for the rest of our lives. But I was wrong. The world is wrong.
Marriage can still survive and thrive, even with all the sinfulness and messes we’ve had. Because marriage vows are still held in perfect union together — by and through God’s grace.
God’s Word says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
I understand this so clearly today, in reflection of God’s Light, in our marriage. God kept those vows between us. Even when we didn’t.
And when we finally repented of so much sin in our lives and followed Jesus Christ, He was there. Giving us an abundance of grace and mercy.
God performed a miracle in our marriage that He could only perform. Because He is a covenant God. The Almighty God. Who doesn’t forsake us.
Every day, I’m still able to see His miracle-working power in our lives.
So today, I want to say thank you Eric, for marrying me all those 21 years ago.
Happy Anniversary!!!
With love,
Nichole
